The News of Cancer

I remember growing up and hearing about the family member who had cancer. Often the conversation was in hushed voices, whispering as if it was bad. Then a shaking of the collective heads and “poor person, what will happen to the family?”.. Then a slow death with the person losing weight and looking like a death camp survivor….hollow eyes, skinny and lifeless soul.  Some folks did survive but most did not and it seemed like the kiss of death.  There was no rhyme or reason on who got it but whomever it would strike, it was unfair.  Just not fair. "Why God", was often my question in prayers but I never got an answer.

As the years have gone by, the fight to beat cancer has gotten better, quicker to catch sometimes, better drugs, much better but not 100% survival and chances were a lot better than 40 plus years ago when I first heard the nasty word. Our Uncle came out to visit us, then a few months later was dead from  cancer…he was so vibrant and one of our beloved Uncles, then dead…it was so quick and we never had a chance to say good bye. Then another Uncle, then my dad. So unfair and cruel to see such strong men, crippled, wasted then dead from the evil tentacles of cancer. More family members fell as well as friends. Again, no rhyme or reason but then more people did survive. I read their stories and of their courage.  I thought I never would be one of them. Never in a million years. Never.

I am one of them now.

I lead a good life. I don’t drink, do drugs or have any vices. Only the animals. I work hard and come home to the farm, where I let the life giving energy ground me so I feel connected and not stressed. I feed the sheep and watch the lambs run in play, bringing a smile to my face of the carefree life they live. Of the chickens who eat from my hands and give me fresh eggs to eat.  The Livestock Guardian dogs who are gentle with me and their charges, and the sheep flock but drive away the predators. The Border Collies who bring joy to my life in herding plus being my companions. Having a farm grounds you, bring you back to nature, releases the stress from work and makes you realize what really is important. It’s not money and social standing but family, friends and a quality of life that make you sleep well at night and feel good about life.  I used to be one of those high wired Yuppies who had a nice suit, sport car, the jars in my pantry all lined up, my clothes in the closet all sorted to style, color and function. Moving to the farm has made me realize that was not the way to happiness. It’s what is inside you….what makes you as a person.  Do you give back as much as you get. Be kind and nice. Be happy and smile to everyone, even those who are not smiling as they need it the most. Say hello to people and be kind. Some people will take advantage of that but cut them out of your life, as they are like a cancer on your shoulder. You don’t need them. Keep the people who care as they are your true friends.

But, back to how I found out I had cancer. I had no idea that I had it. Last thing on my mind, in fact. I had the summer sniffles from allergies, so I thought. The different allergy meds didn’t work so I kept switching them trying to find out which one work. Then I began to lose hearing in my ears and found out they were filled with fluid. Darn, I thought it was due to the allergies. Then I got into a head-on car accident and the ears and nose got worse.  So I went to an ENT, Dr. Anh Truong (Otolaryngologist) of Bellevue ENT  to see about having ear tubes put in and see what was wrong with my hearing in September. He did confirm much of my hearing was gone and gave me prednisone and antibiotics to see if it would clear up and come back in a month. More prednisone and nothing helped. So he went to out the tubes in but before he did that, he had to look at my throat. He numbed it and put a long tube in and pulled it out quickly. I had issues with eating as my throat felt like it was partially blocked. Well, it was blocked with cancer. He called and got me to get a CT scan in an hour, then a biopsy of the lymph nodes in my neck. He had found that most of the lymph nodes around my neck were very swollen and some were blocking the throat. So no tubes for me and off to a CT scan and then lymph nodes biopsy. He talked about what type it maybe and stressed to get test done now. I sat in the parking lot and cried and cried. It could have been the nasal cancer which would be really bad and very low survival rate. I kept on crying, then had the CT scan.  For the lymph node biopsy, I had to hold still while they drew two large vials of fluid out of the nodes. That hurt as I was held down, then they stuck a needle in my neck and I could not move While they drew the fluid out. Not once but twice I went home, with my tail between my legs like a defeated dog and crawled in bed and cried. Then cried some more.

All I wanted was tubes in my ears to drain the fluid out. That was it.  Certainly not this cancer thing! I felt like I got sucker punched in the stomach. I texted the family and friends and my work bosses. I then cried some more. It’s bad enough to find out you have cancer, then may have one of the worst ones you can have. Please God, don’t let me have that one.

I went to sleep but had nightmares.  I read all about cancers.  It was horrifying. There were signs but none really added up for a person to know it was cancer. The ears filling up with fluid, the continuous stuffy nose, the fatigue, easy bruising, the weight loss from 135 to 120 lbs. in two months, other little items.  I thought I was pushing myself too hard as I tend to do that. But I am thankful that Dr Truong, my ENT was so diligent and saved my life by stopping everything else and getting me set on the path.  He even called me at night to check up on me.

The biopsy came back with either T or B Cell lymphoma but not the bad nasal cancer that would have been deadly. He scheduled a surgery to remove the two nodes that were blocking my neck on Nov 18th.  So I went and read on the T and B cell lymphoma and got ready. I was still in shock. He went and put in the ear tubes so I could hear better. The volume level on the TV went down from 92 to 13 setting.

I want to give a huge shout out to my ENT Doctor. I went in and he was kind and made me feel warm and comfortable and not rushed, We are of Asian descent, so we chatted about our culture and it turns out he grew up on a farm in Vietnam, until he was about 8 yrs. or so, then came to the States. We talked about farming and the agrarian life.  I really like his warm personality. He called me after hours to make sure that I knew he cared and was on top of it. He called me with results and went out of his way to make me feel like he cared, that I wasn't just a patient who was a number.  If you need a wonderful ENT in the Bellevue (eastside of Seattle). I highly recommend him He has an office next to the Issaquah Hospital and in the Overlake Center. He is the reason that I am not dead now. Bless his heart for caring so much about his patients. His bio.